Hiking Toward a Future Together?
Kate and Hayden met in graduate school. They were both science students – he was in biology and she was in geology. They shared a love of the outdoors and they each were very deeply interested in their research and happy to talk to one another about it. Turned out they were good at listening to each other and happy to do projects together. After a few encounters, they decided to start dating. It was the first time Kate really felt connected to a romantic partner. They hiked together, cooked together and went for walks with his dog. She found herself getting more and more attached to him, even though there were a few things she was uncomfortable with.
He criticized her friend who was struggling with her thesis. He would never just sit and watch a movie or a sporting event on TV. He drank too much on a number of occasions. But she kept overlooking these things because of the connection she felt. And then he started taking her for granted. He made plans and didn’t let her know. He went biking when she had prepared a nice dinner for them. He slept through the special breakfast that was meant to mark the anniversary of their first date. Eventually she confronted him about these things. “That’s just who I am,” he told her.
And that’s when she knew it was time to end the relationship. If he wasn’t willing or able to make her more important than his other interests, then he wasn’t the person for her. She was really sad for a while, but her sister and her friends let her know that she had done a good thing. They admitted that they had been concerned about the way he treated her and had thought about voicing their opinions. Much as she wanted someone to love her, he wasn’t up to the job! With all the things they had in common, the most important thing – respect and care for a partner – was missing.